None of us escapes suffering. If we are all going to experience it, how do we suffer well during those seasons? What might that look like?
Every day, people come to our practice seeking better health. Some are struggling with cancer, chronic fatigue, autoimmune disease, digestive disorders, hormone imbalances, or persistent pain. Others are grieving the loss of health they once enjoyed and wondering if they’ll ever feel like themselves again. Others are manifesting the physical impact of great loss in life. The journey toward healing can be complex, frustrating, and often much longer than anyone hopes.
At some point, every person will experience loss. It may come through the death of someone we love, a frightening medical diagnosis, chronic pain, mental health struggles, loss of independence, divorce, financial hardship, or dreams that never came to be. Often it is the tragedy of several kinds of loses. While the details differ, suffering is one of the few experiences every human being shares. We can fall apart or figure out how to grow from it and get through it. It is possible to suffer well.
Yet no two journeys look the same.
Some people grieve openly. Others become quiet. Some recover more quickly, while others need months or years to rebuild their lives. There is no “correct” timeline, and comparing your grief to someone else’s often creates unnecessary guilt.
Perhaps the better question isn’t, “Am I grieving the right way?” but rather, “How can I suffer well?”
Suffering well doesn’t mean pretending everything is okay. It doesn’t mean forcing yourself to “stay positive” or denying painful emotions. Instead, it means acknowledging reality while taking intentional steps to care for your body, mind, emotions, and relationships.
Your Body Grieves, Too
From a functional medicine perspective, grief isn’t only emotional—it is physical. Loss places tremendous stress on the body, often increasing cortisol and adrenaline while disrupting sleep, digestion, immune function, blood sugar regulation, and even the health of the gut microbiome. Many people notice fatigue, brain fog, muscle aches, changes in appetite, digestive upset, or more frequent illnesses during seasons of grief.
Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one or the loss of your own health, the body responds in remarkably similar ways. Both can activate the body’s stress response, increase inflammation, disrupt restorative sleep, alter appetite, and leave you feeling physically and emotionally depleted.
This doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means your whole person is responding to loss.
Taking care of your physical health during suffering isn’t selfish—it’s one of the kindest things you can do for yourself in a wellness journey. You can suffer well.
Daily Practices That Build Resilience
While these habits won’t eliminate suffering, they can strengthen your ability to endure difficult seasons.
- Prioritize consistent sleep. Emotional resilience is much harder to maintain when you’re chronically exhausted.
- Move your body every day. Even a 20-minute walk outdoors can reduce stress hormones, improve mood, and calm an overwhelmed nervous system.
- Eat nourishing, whole foods. During grief, it’s easy to skip meals or rely on comfort foods, but your brain and immune system still need quality protein, colorful vegetables, healthy fats, fiber, and adequate hydration.
- Spend time outside. Exposure to sunlight, fresh air, and nature has been shown to reduce stress and support mental well-being.
- Stay connected. Isolation often deepens emotional pain. Accept invitations, answer the phone, or simply spend time with trusted friends.
- Allow yourself to feel. Avoid numbing behaviors (alcohol, drugs, denial). Tears, sadness, frustration, confusion, and even anger are normal responses to loss.
- Pray, meditate, journal, or spend quiet time reflecting and describing your feelings. These practices can calm the nervous system and create space for healing.
- Seek professional help when needed. There is strength—not weakness—in asking for support. Seek both physical medical help and mental emotional help. Approach your suffering comprehensively.
Healing rarely happens all at once. More often, it comes through hundreds of small, faithful choices repeated day after day.
Living With Someone Who Is Suffering
Watching someone you love suffer can be deeply painful. We naturally want to help, but often there is no quick solution.
Your presence matters more than your words.
Instead of trying to fix the problem, focus on being present. Listen more than you speak. Sit quietly if needed. These are ways you can help another to suffer well. Offer practical help by preparing a meal, driving to appointments, watching children, running errands, or simply checking in several weeks after everyone else has moved on.
One of the greatest gifts you can give someone who is suffering is consistency. Grief often lasts long after the cards stop coming. Anniversaries matter.
What Is Helpful—and What Isn’t
Many well-intentioned comments can unintentionally increase someone’s pain.
Less helpful responses include:
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “Well, at least…”
- “God needed another angel.”
- “You should be over this by now.”
- “I know exactly how you feel.”
Even when meant kindly, these statements can unintentionally minimize another person’s unique experience.
Instead, consider saying:
- “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
- “I’m here with you.”
- “Tell me about that/ it/him/her.”
- “What would be most helpful to you today?”
- “I don’t have the right words, but I care deeply.”
Simple, compassionate honesty often comforts more than perfect advice. Your presence offers more than words ever could.
Hope Doesn’t Ignore Reality
Author Patrick O’Malley reminds us that grief is not a problem to solve but an experience to move through with compassion and patience. Timothy Keller writes that suffering has the power to deepen our character, relationships, and dependence on God—not because suffering is good, but because God can bring good even from painful circumstances.
Organizations like Grief Share also remind us that healing often happens best in community. We were never intended to carry life’s heaviest burdens alone.
If you are suffering through a difficult season today, remember this: healing is rarely linear. Some days will feel stronger than others. Progress may come in inches instead of miles. Or progress may be five steps forward and two steps back.
Give yourself grace.
Take care of your body as faithfully as you care for your heart.
Ask for help.
Lean into trusted friends, family, your healthcare team, and your faith.
And if someone you love is suffering, remember that your steady presence may become one of the greatest gifts you can offer.
None of us chooses suffering. But together, with compassion, community, wise support, and hope, we can learn to walk through it with courage—and help others do the same.
Be well.
References
American Psychological Association. (2023). Building Your Resilience.
Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, Trauma, and Human Resilience. American Psychologist, 59(1), 20–28.
GriefShare. Find Help After the Loss of a Loved One. https://www.griefshare.org
Keller, T. (2013). Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering. Riverhead Books.
O’Malley, P. (2025). Getting Grief Right: Finding Your Story of Love in the Sorrow of Loss.
Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2017). Cautioning Health-Care Professionals About the Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 74(4), 455–473.
